Friday, January 6, 2012

Co-sleeping do I deal?

I don't know how this has happened but my youngest daughter is now 3 years old and still sleeping next to me. Half of the time it's in her own bed, but the other half of the time she is right next to me. As if this is not bad enough to deal with, my eldest daughter whom is nearly 10 years old and managed to creep her way into my room as well. She is now sleeping in her sisters bed and pushing her even more into my bed. I know what your thinking, why did I let her get used to sleeping there?? Well the answer is...Emma was molested by her cousin and has been going through a lot of psychological issues. She doesn't feel safe unless she is with her father and I and I have a hard time figuring out what is right and wrong in this particular situation. Do I make her go back to her own room or do I let her stay with us so she feels safe and secure?
This of course doesn't just effect her, but it also effects my husband and I's relationship...or lack there of. We are missing that intimacy factor because once a week in the bathroom or my living room isn't enough for me...
I have tried to figure out how to handle this situation but I am at a loss...Please, any suggestions will be appreciated....

The start of my book...

Chapter 1

Standing in my living room watching my ex-husband walk towards his brother’s truck, to leave yet again and do whatever he wanted to do, enthralled me with such and intense anger. I had to get it out, to let the frustration out of my body or else explode. I picked up a shoe and threw it through the glass door all the while screaming out in anger. He turned, looked at me, and said,

“You’re a stupid bitch, I hope you know that!”

I just stood there, exhausted, crying, and defeated, not knowing what to do next or how to make myself move. I turned and looked at my daughter, beautiful and innocent of hate, and realized that I had to find the strength to keep going; it wasn’t all about me anymore, had it ever really been about me? I had to move, to keep moving. I picked up the phone and called my only outlet in life at the time, my mother, and I asked her, how did I get here mama? How has my life come down to this? But I knew the answer to this; I knew what caused me to head down this path of destruction. But is it something I will ever be able to overcome?

I just started this and it's something I have been working on in my head for a while. Please, let me know what you think, good or bad?? I cant wait to hear your comments!! Thanks so much!!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


So my baby has been sick for almost a week straight with a fever and no other symptoms. We have taken her to the doctors twice now and they had to take a urine sample from her by straight cath and it was HORRIBLE. I wish i knew what was wrong with her. I hate to see her like this. Any ideas would be really appreciated.
Back to school next week. Im excited and worried at the same time. Lots on my plate when Im in school. I feel like I sometimes have to put my family on the back burner a little bit so I am able to get everything done. And that makes me feel like a bad wife and mother. I just hope I am able to balance everything. I know I love college and love to learn. I know it will all pay off in the end and I am praying for strength and support from God and my Family.
I am also praying for my husband right now. I feel like he is struggling and I know its because he is overworked. He works so many hours overtime during the snowy months and he is so miserable right now. I feel like I am his punching bag and I wish sometimes he would stop and think about how that makes me feel. I love him dearly, but I can only take so much before I blow. Please pray that God will give me strength to deal with all of life's stressors. If anyone has any advice about how to take care of all this, my ears are open!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Snow Day

We have got a ton of snow this season. Thats a good thing I guess since I got a new snowmobile. It makes for a lot of hours of overtime for the hubby though. That can be good and bad. Money is good, but the tired husband is bad. We seem to make it through.
SO college has been fantastic. I have changed my major from Nursing to Psychology, and am planning to one day get my masters in social work. We will see right? So far so good though, my GPA is 3.64. I think thats pretty good. I really enjoy getting out and having some time to myself. I think it has helped Mary become more independent starting day care. There were a few weeks of crying, but now she really enjoys it. We have been on break since Dec 17th and she misses it terribly. That must be a good sign.
The kids older kids are doing great. Brianna and Emma are fantastic students, and Emma has adjusted to her new school easily. At open house her teacher mentioned it seems as though she has always been a part of the class. That puts a mothers mind at ease.
Matt and are really doing well. We have really become a great team. He understands that when I have work to do for school, others things may not get done, like the floors and laundry. He helps out so much too. And he is never too opposed of take out. I think he knows it makes it easier on both of us.
I guess thats really all of have for now. I plan on trying to post everyday, and I want to share a new link with some great recipes. Hope you all enjoy my post, comment, comment, comment. I love to hear from you all!!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Mary Kathryn Loves to sing

I was checking out my new web cam and Mary Kate couldn't believe she could see herself singing. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do.... And yes, she was eating chocolate, LOL!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Lots to Do

So it has been forever since I have posted anything. Things have been crazy around here with moving and registration for school and day care and college. But I think Im almost ready. Even though there is still so much to do. Im the procrasinator when it comes to school shopping and supplies and this year it seems its even worse since I have to buy for 3 of us. I need stuff for college, Emma for school and Mary Kate for daycare. Where in the world is all the money going to come from. I just keep praying that it all works itself out and I have faith in God that it will. He always seems to help us make it through. I guess thats what happens when you leave it all up to him. Ive learned that is the only way to handle it all. Plus it relieves me of a lot of stress which is wonderful for me and for my husband who seems to be my punching bag. Good thing he's tough.
Our new house is wonderful. We all seem to be adjusted to it now and it seems like its always been home. Kinda like we were always supposed to be here. Its funny how things work out. I have been praying for a new house and to move for nearly a year now and even though I have tried to always be patient we know I may not always have been. But I actually started thanking God for my blessings and let him know that even if I didnt like the house we were in I was thankful for it and understood that at that time it was what we needed. And also that I knew when it was right we would move and it would be just what we wanted. And it is so much made just for us. Im different then most people and I really enjoy old farm houses and renovating rather then newer houses with no personality. This house is ours and its perfect for us and I am so blessed and I am so babbling!!OOPS. LOL!!
SO, anyway, things are great and Im so blessed and I hope and pray that everyone out there realizes how blessed they are. I know sometimes it can be difficult to see the good through the bad, but keep trying, its there. And its amazing how good it can make you feel to focus on the positive and not the negative so God Bless you all!! Have a great week!!

Monday, July 19, 2010

New House

First I wanna start by saying thank you all for reading and commenting on my story. It was something that I struggled with writing for a long time and all of the positive feedback I received was really wonderful.

On to the good stuff....We bought a new house!!!!! Yay!! Im so excited. We are in the process of painting and fixing at this point but are hoping to move in my the 1st of August, God willing. I am so excited to be getting out of this place. I have been praying for something like this to come along for months now and God finally answered our prayers. Its an old Farm house, just like I like. I love remodeling jobs, and enjoy making things our own. The house comes with five acres which includes a pond near the end of the property and the kids are ecstatic. Its going to be a great place for us to be. Im so thankful! Im hoping, if I have time, to be able to post some before and after pictures because I would love to share it with you all. I hope everyone is doing well and I want to thank you all again for your support. It means so much to me!!If anyone has any super easy tips for destressing cupboards, please let me know. Thats what Im in the process of doing right now. Thanks Again everyone!!