Friday, January 6, 2012

Co-sleeping do I deal?

I don't know how this has happened but my youngest daughter is now 3 years old and still sleeping next to me. Half of the time it's in her own bed, but the other half of the time she is right next to me. As if this is not bad enough to deal with, my eldest daughter whom is nearly 10 years old and managed to creep her way into my room as well. She is now sleeping in her sisters bed and pushing her even more into my bed. I know what your thinking, why did I let her get used to sleeping there?? Well the answer is...Emma was molested by her cousin and has been going through a lot of psychological issues. She doesn't feel safe unless she is with her father and I and I have a hard time figuring out what is right and wrong in this particular situation. Do I make her go back to her own room or do I let her stay with us so she feels safe and secure?
This of course doesn't just effect her, but it also effects my husband and I's relationship...or lack there of. We are missing that intimacy factor because once a week in the bathroom or my living room isn't enough for me...
I have tried to figure out how to handle this situation but I am at a loss...Please, any suggestions will be appreciated....

The start of my book...

Chapter 1

Standing in my living room watching my ex-husband walk towards his brother’s truck, to leave yet again and do whatever he wanted to do, enthralled me with such and intense anger. I had to get it out, to let the frustration out of my body or else explode. I picked up a shoe and threw it through the glass door all the while screaming out in anger. He turned, looked at me, and said,

“You’re a stupid bitch, I hope you know that!”

I just stood there, exhausted, crying, and defeated, not knowing what to do next or how to make myself move. I turned and looked at my daughter, beautiful and innocent of hate, and realized that I had to find the strength to keep going; it wasn’t all about me anymore, had it ever really been about me? I had to move, to keep moving. I picked up the phone and called my only outlet in life at the time, my mother, and I asked her, how did I get here mama? How has my life come down to this? But I knew the answer to this; I knew what caused me to head down this path of destruction. But is it something I will ever be able to overcome?

I just started this and it's something I have been working on in my head for a while. Please, let me know what you think, good or bad?? I cant wait to hear your comments!! Thanks so much!!!