Co-sleeping advice....how do I deal?

I don't know how this has happened but my youngest daughter is now 3 years old and still sleeping next to me. Half of the time it's in her own bed, but the other half of the time she is right next to me. As if this is not bad enough to deal with, my eldest daughter whom is nearly 10 years old and managed to creep her way into my room as well. She is now sleeping in her sisters bed and pushing her even more into my bed. I know what your thinking, why did I let her get used to sleeping there?? Well the answer is...Emma was molested by her cousin and has been going through a lot of psychological issues. She doesn't feel safe unless she is with her father and I and I have a hard time figuring out what is right and wrong in this particular situation. Do I make her go back to her own room or do I let her stay with us so she feels safe and secure?

This of course doesn't just effect her, but it also effects my husband and I's relationship...or lack there of. We are missing that intimacy factor because once a week in the bathroom or my living room isn't enough for me...

I have tried to figure out how to handle this situation but I am at a loss...Please, any suggestions will be appreciated....

The start of my book...

Chapter 1

Standing in my living room watching my ex-husband walk towards his brother’s truck, to leave yet again and do whatever he wanted to do, enthralled me with such and intense anger. I had to get it out, to let the frustration out of my body or else explode. I picked up a shoe and threw it through the glass door all the while screaming out in anger. He turned, looked at me, and said,

“You’re a stupid bitch, I hope you know that!”

I just stood there, exhausted, crying, and defeated, not knowing what to do next or how to make myself move. I turned and looked at my daughter, beautiful and innocent of hate, and realized that I had to find the strength to keep going; it wasn’t all about me anymore, had it ever really been about me? I had to move, to keep moving. I picked up the phone and called my only outlet in life at the time, my mother, and I asked her, how did I get here mama? How has my life come down to this? But I knew the answer to this; I knew what caused me to head down this path of destruction. But is it something I will ever be able to overcome?

I just started this and it's something I have been working on in my head for a while. Please, let me know what you think, good or bad?? I cant wait to hear your comments!! Thanks so much!!!

Stressing

So my baby has been sick for almost a week straight with a fever and no other symptoms. We have taken her to the doctors twice now and they had to take a urine sample from her by straight cath and it was HORRIBLE. I wish i knew what was wrong with her. I hate to see her like this. Any ideas would be really appreciated.
Back to school next week. Im excited and worried at the same time. Lots on my plate when Im in school. I feel like I sometimes have to put my family on the back burner a little bit so I am able to get everything done. And that makes me feel like a bad wife and mother. I just hope I am able to balance everything. I know I love college and love to learn. I know it will all pay off in the end and I am praying for strength and support from God and my Family.
I am also praying for my husband right now. I feel like he is struggling and I know its because he is overworked. He works so many hours overtime during the snowy months and he is so miserable right now. I feel like I am his punching bag and I wish sometimes he would stop and think about how that makes me feel. I love him dearly, but I can only take so much before I blow. Please pray that God will give me strength to deal with all of life's stressors. If anyone has any advice about how to take care of all this, my ears are open!!

Snow Day

We have got a ton of snow this season. Thats a good thing I guess since I got a new snowmobile. It makes for a lot of hours of overtime for the hubby though. That can be good and bad. Money is good, but the tired husband is bad. We seem to make it through.
SO college has been fantastic. I have changed my major from Nursing to Psychology, and am planning to one day get my masters in social work. We will see right? So far so good though, my GPA is 3.64. I think thats pretty good. I really enjoy getting out and having some time to myself. I think it has helped Mary become more independent starting day care. There were a few weeks of crying, but now she really enjoys it. We have been on break since Dec 17th and she misses it terribly. That must be a good sign.
The kids older kids are doing great. Brianna and Emma are fantastic students, and Emma has adjusted to her new school easily. At open house her teacher mentioned it seems as though she has always been a part of the class. That puts a mothers mind at ease.
Matt and are really doing well. We have really become a great team. He understands that when I have work to do for school, others things may not get done, like the floors and laundry. He helps out so much too. And he is never too opposed of take out. I think he knows it makes it easier on both of us.
I guess thats really all of have for now. I plan on trying to post everyday, and I want to share a new link with some great recipes. Hope you all enjoy my post, comment, comment, comment. I love to hear from you all!!

Mary Kathryn Loves to sing

I was checking out my new web cam and Mary Kate couldn't believe she could see herself singing. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do.... And yes, she was eating chocolate, LOL!!

Lots to Do

So it has been forever since I have posted anything. Things have been crazy around here with moving and registration for school and day care and college. But I think Im almost ready. Even though there is still so much to do. Im the procrasinator when it comes to school shopping and supplies and this year it seems its even worse since I have to buy for 3 of us. I need stuff for college, Emma for school and Mary Kate for daycare. Where in the world is all the money going to come from. I just keep praying that it all works itself out and I have faith in God that it will. He always seems to help us make it through. I guess thats what happens when you leave it all up to him. Ive learned that is the only way to handle it all. Plus it relieves me of a lot of stress which is wonderful for me and for my husband who seems to be my punching bag. Good thing he's tough.
Our new house is wonderful. We all seem to be adjusted to it now and it seems like its always been home. Kinda like we were always supposed to be here. Its funny how things work out. I have been praying for a new house and to move for nearly a year now and even though I have tried to always be patient we know I may not always have been. But I actually started thanking God for my blessings and let him know that even if I didnt like the house we were in I was thankful for it and understood that at that time it was what we needed. And also that I knew when it was right we would move and it would be just what we wanted. And it is so much made just for us. Im different then most people and I really enjoy old farm houses and renovating rather then newer houses with no personality. This house is ours and its perfect for us and I am so blessed and I am so babbling!!OOPS. LOL!!
SO, anyway, things are great and Im so blessed and I hope and pray that everyone out there realizes how blessed they are. I know sometimes it can be difficult to see the good through the bad, but keep trying, its there. And its amazing how good it can make you feel to focus on the positive and not the negative so God Bless you all!! Have a great week!!

New House

First I wanna start by saying thank you all for reading and commenting on my story. It was something that I struggled with writing for a long time and all of the positive feedback I received was really wonderful.

On to the good stuff....We bought a new house!!!!! Yay!! Im so excited. We are in the process of painting and fixing at this point but are hoping to move in my the 1st of August, God willing. I am so excited to be getting out of this place. I have been praying for something like this to come along for months now and God finally answered our prayers. Its an old Farm house, just like I like. I love remodeling jobs, and enjoy making things our own. The house comes with five acres which includes a pond near the end of the property and the kids are ecstatic. Its going to be a great place for us to be. Im so thankful! Im hoping, if I have time, to be able to post some before and after pictures because I would love to share it with you all. I hope everyone is doing well and I want to thank you all again for your support. It means so much to me!!If anyone has any super easy tips for destressing cupboards, please let me know. Thats what Im in the process of doing right now. Thanks Again everyone!!

New Page

Hey everyone. I would love if you all could take a minute and read the new Page that I posted. It took a lot of courage to tell everyone my story, so please take time, if you have it to get to know me a little better. Thanks in advance. I love you all and all of your encouraging comments.

College for dummies

Its been over a weeks since my last post and what a week it has been. I finally got my schedule for college which is super exciting and very scary. I cant believe Im actually going to do this. I have finally got all my ducks in a row and its really happening. And Im pretty sure I have gone to far to chicken out now. I have dreamed about going back to college and becoming a nurse for years now and I think its finally happening. I have said since I decided to go that I was definetly going to go on and get my bachelors degree. But recently I have been debating on going even further. I figure if Im ok with school and really enjoy my new found career, that I may get my masters and test to become a Nurse Practitioner for women health. I have been interested in becoming a mid wife since I had a mid wifes for my second pregnancy and it was the best experience of my life. I wish I had, had the same experience with my first girl, but regardless, it was still amazing. Anyways, am I crazy? I'm almost 31 years old and Im just starting school. Is this really all possible or am I putting to much on my plate. I guess Im just getting scared. I wish there was a handbook out there that had all the answers to life in it so we could all just read our book and not have to make all these life changing decisions. At least I have a huge support system in my husband whom is so fantastic. I thank God for him each day. Keep praying for me everyone as I start this whole new chapter in life that is scaring the crap out of me.

day two headache

A non-stop headache for the second day in a row is not much fun. Im definetly feeling the pressure to perform my motherly duties today. The only time the pain subsides is when I have my head pressed into a pillow. And we all know how much time I have to do that. Also, in about an hour, my daughters friend will be here for a sleep over. Sometimes I think I'm trying to punish myself by taking on so much, but my problem is saying the word "no". It seems like such a simple word, but to me it means dissappointing someone. And I dont like to do that. I guess its something that Im going to have to work on. But for now, i'll just keep pushing on, and waiting for words of encouragement from a few new friends. Thanks again everyone for listening to my babblings.

Ranting and Raging

Im having one of those days today. My kids are out of control, pounding on walls and whining constantly about everything. They wont listen to a word I say. Like seriously can you give me a break please. I havent even been able to finish one cup of coffee today and I usually drink 3 at least. My head is literally pounding like someone is hammering it from inside and I cant get a moments peace!!! I try so hard to be a good mother and keep my cool as much as possible, but I cant seem to keep it all together today. My patience are wearing thin. And to top it all off my husband is being a giant pain in the butt. I usually bring him his lunch at work around 10ish since Emma got out of school cause our schedule has changed a little and kids sleep till like 9. So when he called this morning I told him I would be dropping his lunch off between 10:30- 11. Instead he calls me at like 8:45 and says, "Im gonna be at such and such in like five minutes, wanna bring me my lunch?" and me being the obedient wife that I am said,"sure give me like 15 mintues ive gotta throw it together." In return I get an immediate attitude as he said, " no just forget it, I dont have time to wait." Thats the thanks I get for catering to him everyday of his stinkin life right? SO, i said, " Ill have it done in a minute and run it down to you." He says, " well Ill try to still be here." UGH!!! I so wish I could have smacked him through the phone!!! So, I whip his lunch together in record time and throw the kids in the car and rush down there. Call his phone cause I see him and finally find him. I am proud and pompus at this point cause it took me like 5 minutes to get there and I so wanted to rub it in his face. But he when I got it to him he was so sickning sweet to me and thankful that I couldnt. He does that all the time when he knows I really wanna lay into him. I guess I should count my blessings that he doesnt like to push me, cause I can really be a brat sometimes.
SO it has been quite a day so far and I am so exhausted. I wish someone would give me a ton of money so I could go on vacation all by myself and just read a book and relax!!! Any takers?? Hope you all enjoy my ramblings!

Summer is here

What a beautiful week we have had.The sun finally started to shine around here and it was gorgeous out. We have been picnicing outside under the shade tree for lunch everyday. Its funny how such a simple thing can bring such joy to my little girls. And the best part for me is afterwards I get to sit in the sun and read a book while they play in the sandbox and on the swingset. Such a simple thing, but it has been the best time. I started reading a new book, which has been really good for me. I used to read a book a day in my younger years, but it has been hard to find time lately. But I decided to make time. And I tell you it is the best thing I could have done for myself. Im enjoying my book and I have been so much more relaxed.
I am really enjoying my blog and all of my blog follwers. Im definetly still learning about it all. Like one question I have is how do I get my own blog button. Sounds pretty stupid, but I havent been able to figure it out. Plus any tips on how to improve my blog and my following would be greatly appreciated. I hope to hear from you all soon!!
Oh yeah, Im gonna post some pics that I forgot to post last week of Emma at her final assembly. Hope you all enjoy!!

Making Your Own Curtains

So, Im really not impressed with the price of curtains these days, or with the price of anything for that matter. I have decided to make my own but I am pretty much illterate when it comes to sewing, sewing machines or anything crafty that takes talent, not just pure luck. So if anyone knows an EASY way to make nice curtains, I would really appreciate your help, advice, and support as it will be a long, hard, and daunting experience. Seriously any help will be greatly appreciated!! Thanks Everyone!!

My Crazy Life

Its been over a week since my last post and I still dont feel like Im caught up on anything. Ive been to the doctors, had blood work done and yes it seems I'm in perfect health, minus my huge spare tire and giant butt, LOL!! But thats another story right. I need to loose weight for me, but other then that, im good, thanks to the zoloft. I'm glad I finally gave in and realized I needed it because it has made a huge difference.But thats another story..
Anyways, Emma's last day of school was on Tuesday and they had there final assembly. Each year they pick a theme for the kids, last year was country and western and this year it was peace, love and happiness. Its really cute cause at the final assembly we get to dress them up for the years theme. So Emma was a pure flower child. I took some flowery fabric and cut slits in the bottom of her pants to make big bell bottoms sewed the fabric in the bottoms and then cut out heart holes and put fabric behind them. It was really cute. And Im gonna brag a lot, she won awards for good manners in the cafeteria and excellents in creative writing!! Im so proud her. Once we figured out that she had ADHD her grades improved so much. She was actually back to her old self again, such a sweet smart little girl. I love her to death.
After all that, we finally had a sunny day and I spent the day outside with my girls and my dog and read a book and relaxed for a couple hours and it was fabulous. That is until I got a wicked sunburn because I dont know enough to stay out of the sun. I plaster my girls with sunblock, but forget about myself. Not good!!
SO by Wednesday I was sore as heck and exhausted. Matt had a doctors appointment which didnt go well because he not as lucky as I am. His blood pressure is sky high and his sugar is out of wack, not good. After his appointment Mary Kate had her's, she had been pulling at her ears so I thought she had an ear infection, but it just ended up being virul, but...they found a heart murmur.SO we have another appointment in August to have a pediactric cardiologist ultrasound her heart. Please lets all pray that its nothing serious.
Then to Thursday which should have been an all around easy day, until my neighbor asked me to watch her extremely hyper child. I of course said yes, because Im not good with the "no" word. So that was a long draining day!!Needless to say Mary and Emma both have black eyes. One from a crayon and one from a finger, go figure right? And today we are off to the bank and I have to get a couple groceries. I think I am finally caught up now. And to think I wanted to try to find something to do to work from home. When in the world would I even have time to fit that in. I must be insane. But I do hope to get to go strawberry picking this weekend so I can get my jam made. I usually pick 32 quarts which makes like 20 pint jars, which last us almost a year. That will be next weeks project thought.

Have a great weekend Everyone!! And I hope you all enjoy my ramblings!!

Living with a strick schedule

Recently I have noticed that I live on this rediculous schedule. If anything throws it off I am completly thrown for a loop. I feel like everything in my day has to be done at a certain time or in a certain time frame. I literally do the same thing nearly everyday.
My father is a truck driver and has been for years. He decided he was in the area and wanted to stop for dinner. Needless to say, I was completely unprepared. He of course wanted dinner, but I was worried that I didnt have enough. I only cook just enough, cause my family doesnt like leftovers??go figure. Plus, I had to wait for him to get here to eat, which was not untill like 7:00. We eat at 6:00 everynight, so that was the first thing. Then, I had to of course give the girls a bath, should have been done by 7, but never got done till like 8:30. And then Emma never got to bed till 9 which is an hour past her bed time. Which makes it very hard for me in the morning. She is a girl that needs her sleep. So after all of that and all the lateness, my father, God love him, never left here till like 11:30. My day starts at 5:15 am every morning so the next morning we were all so exhausted. I know it sounds like something simple and little to most people, but I keep a strict scedule for many reasons and mostly its to avoid meltdowns from my husband and kids. Needless to say we are all still trying to get caught up from the glitch in our schedule. SO after all of this my question is HOW? How do I become a more flexible person and not be stuck in such a routine? And How do I cope with it all when my schedule is thrown off?

Post it Notes!!

I got these from someone else's blog and I love them. What a cute idea. Hope everyone enjoys them!!

Organic Family

I have been recently thinking of many ways I can ensure my kids health and I think that a big way is to eat organically. I know that on our budget it is very expensive to do this so we have tried to figure out ways to eat organically for less money. And that way seems to be by doing it all ourselves. We have planted an organic garden this year and I am very excited to feed my kids fresh organic vegetables. We also raise our own when it comes to beef, pork and poultry. I think this is very important. Even when it comes to milk. I recently heard that girls are beginning puberty earlier due to the hormones they are giving cows to inhance there milk supply. I never really thought about all the chemicals they ingest in our food and milk to make money. And can you imagine what they are doing for our bodies.
I have also tried to eliminate things with a long shelf life, I mean anything that you buy that has a experation date of more than a year from now cannot be filled with anything good for you. I try to bake snacks from scratch and I even make my own jams, jellies, and freeze all my own veggies. My husband and I make our own maple syrup each year with the kids and they love the time we share boiling sap. We have recently taken an interest in becoming bee keepers. My husband really wants to get into that and honey and bees for that matter are such a great source of natural healing.There are so many ways, as a stay at home mother, that we can all try and better our health and our childrens health.
Recently I have been curious how to make my own soaps, lotions and cleaners. If anyone has any recipes for those things please let me know and leave me a link to your blog so I can check them out.
I hope that I can continue to find ways to improve my families health and if any one has any questions please feel free to ask them. Im more than willing to help anyone lead a healthier life.

To work or Not to work

That is the question. Do I get a part time job or do we just struggle with money for the rest of the summer? I dont know what the best thing is for us and its a hard decision to make. There is a bartending job for about 5 hours a night that I could take, but that is five nights away from my husband and my kids just to make a few extra bucks. So, do I sacrafice my family time for money or do I just deal with not having any extra money? This never used to be a hard decision. I always worked my butt off and at times had three jobs outside of the home when Emma was little. But I missed so much of her life because of it. So I promised myself I wouldnt do that again and I have been home for two years. I refuse to put Mary into daycare so if I do work its the evening shifts, which means exhaustion and more stress for me. My husband already works two jobs now and he is thinking about going on the road driving truck again for better money, but I really really really do not want that to happen. SO whats the right choice to make? No matter what we do, we are some how sacraficing time with our kids. The economy stinks!!!

Pickles and Peanut Butter

Pickles and Peanut Butter, that is what I am covered with. My goodness I wonder why oh why do I ever get dressed at all. Stains and messes seem to follow me everywhere. As does my messy little toddler who seems to get into everything possible. Today she has been behind me every step yelling"peekle, peekle, peekle."Its so cute I can't not give her one, even though she only sucks on it and then throws it on the floor. Oh well, the things we do to make our kids happy!!